facebookified

There is no point in writing a discourse on the facebook blues.

Let us imagine hypothetical conversations from mundane day to day life, something that facebook seeks to spice up through their services.

Photos

How an average couple would spend their honeymoon before February 2004:

Romeo – Darling, stand in front of the fountain, while I take a photograph. Pretend that you are the poet in the statue behind you, thinking deeply about the next line in your poem.

Juliet – Why, you embarrass me. I cannot be a poet.

Romeo – Do it for our kids …

Juliet – Ok. But make sure you get the best cellophane to wrap it in, so that even after both of us die, our memories will forever live on.

Romeo – Honey, you say the most romantic things sometimes.

[Click]

How an average couple would spend their honeymoon after February 2012:

Rom – Hey Jul, you know how fortunate we are to be visiting Paris for our honeymoon? Would you please stand in front of that fountain so that I can take a pic of yours. It would create quite a sensation on fb.

Jul – Rom honey, yes all your friends will get pretty jealous and I love that. Take multiple pics from different angles.

Rom – Yes, sure. By the time we are through with our pics on timeline, the whole world will know how our kids will be when they are born. How wonderful, and they will all be gaping in awe.

Jul – But I wish you had got your DSLR, coz sometimes these pics don’t come out so well with these compact cameras. Anyway, I should have known when I had married you, you would never be a truly dedicated husband.

Rom – Hey, that’s not true, I love you the most, as I have never loved before. [Beep-bee-beep] Oh, wait, Jim from high school is posting pics of Switzerland. Wow, they are so beautiful. Jul honey, wouldn’t you be nice and come over and see.

Jul – Why on earth did you bring me to this crowded place, when you could have taken me to Switzerland?

Rom – What?

Status Updates

Life of an unemployed youth before February 2004:

Bassanio – It looks like I have to ask for money from my brother Antonio, again. The whiskey gave me a hangover last week, I cannot drink at cheap bars anymore. My ladylove has left me again, and I don’t have a job either. [pause] I have to do something with my life. From today, no tomorrow, I shall change my life. I shall read inspirational books, watch biographies on History Channel and walk ten miles every morning. I am become like a total sloth. [pause] What’s wrong with my hands? I tried to play cricket last week, bowled, but all my deliveries went outside the leg stump. [pause, yawn] No man, I can’t allow myself to waste my life like this. Let me call brother Antonio. [pause] I feel hungry. I don’t know why I feel so hungry.

[doorbell rings]

Gratiano – Still cribbing over last week? It’s four o’clock and play time buddy. Ok man, today you shall bowl two overs.

Bassanio – I feel hungry. Do you think we could grab a bite somewhere before going to play?

Gratiano – Hmmm, let me see, there is this Hooka place downtown.

Bassanio – Wonderful, let me get some money from Antonio. I think I shall find him downstairs in his chambers looking at those disgusting, diseased patients. Should I call him first? No, let me just go ahead.

[Exit]

Life of an unemployed youth after February 2012:

Insanio is on his laptop, writing status updates on his facebook profile.

Status: Life s**ks.

Comment:
Oh my God, what happened?
Are you ok?
Hey, man, cool, everything will be alright.
Take care dear.
You give updates that make me so anxious!
Blah!
Huh?!

Insanio is feeling a little better knowing that even though his ex-employers didn’t think good of him, and very unsympathetic, at least his friends are so nice, on fb. Ya, he has decided on taking that loan from brother Ant, to pay for his Xbox. How else would he be expected to survive in such misery?

Ratiano pings Insanio. Hey dude, you are out of mafia wars. Insanio – Shut the f**k up.

Insanio, feeling even more aggravated, feels it totally justified to ask for the loan. He texts Ant to transfer the amount to his bank account. It should not take much time. Insanio doesn’t like delays.

Wonder how that Hooka tastes, thinks Insanio. That bugger Ratiano wants to move my fat a** from this lovely sofa! In his wildest dreams. Let me order the whole thing, Hooka and all. Hmmm, which site was that again? Ah-a, Google knows.

Likes

Life of a rebel-without-a-cause before February 2004:

James Dean – I want that teacher out of our school. She is such a moron, giving us enormous amounts of homework. And, then she also expects us to behave well in class, a total dictator.

Sheila – Ho-hum!

James Dean - I want that teacher out of our school. She is such a moron, giving us enormous amounts of homework. And, then she also expects us to behave well in class, a total dictator.

Rick – Ho! Uh-huh!

James Dean – What’s wrong with you people, aren’t you interested in this?

Life of a rebel-without-a-cause after February 2012:

Jimmy updates his fb status.

Status: Pissed off with teacher. Need to get her outta here. She’s the Hitler, out of control. She is a dictator.

420 people like this.

Next day at the school, a parade of ten students stand in protest outside the staff room.

Headmaster – Ho-hum! What seems to be the problem fellows?

Student 1 – We need more transparency in the way you recruit teachers. We want the Hitler outta here.

Headmaster – Hmmm. Wait till I inform your parents about this ruckus. I am sure they never lobbied like this when they were your age.

[Exit quietly]

Mummers – We and 410 others liked it on fb! What man. Sshh …

The End

Dwaipayan Adhya

Comments

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